


When She's Gone

by Missdeath



Category: Berserk
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9326411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missdeath/pseuds/Missdeath
Summary: Disclaimer: Kentaro Miura owns Berserk I don't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Kentaro Miura owns Berserk I don't.

Casca and I soaked in the bath on our last night on the ship. After everything that we had endured it was comforting to hear that we where nearing our destination.   
Everyone was so excited to hear that the beautiful ebony woman will regain her sanity. Even I too was ecstatic for a while but...   
The more I thought about it. The more depressed I became.  
I am not the best cook.   
I cannot do laundry.  
I’m still at novice at being a witch.  
I can be a liability in a fight.   
I can be so damn naive it sickens me.  
So then, when she's healed and she no longer needs me, what... what use will I be?!

I slid my hands over her suds covered body taking note of each scare that graced my tips.   
Who where you in your past life to bring a man so steadfast in his brutish ways to care so much for you?  
It was the look of devotion in that man’s eye like she was the only thing that mattered to him that made my chest ache. 

How unbecoming of a woman of my status, jealous of someone of common patronage.   
Still...   
I thought as I held her bountiful mounds firm in my hands   
How would the other you have reacted if it where him holding you like this?

“Tell me Casca,” I whispered in her ear. “a man as ungraceful as he, would he dominate your body and claim you in a heated rut leaving in his wake your spent body soaked in his musk and trembling in pure pleasure from his touch.”  
She gave me no reply. In stead she stiffened and looked at me with those doll like eyes, curious of my misdeeds.  
“Or maybe he would be gentle with you and have you with the most care. How soft was his touch when he graced your flesh with his?”   
I asked taking her breast into my mouth. My tongue blessed the tips of her pert nipples.   
She became very uncomfortable with my advances. She is so fragile now but no fragile person could have survived getting this many scares. Although faint now it's obvious she once was a warrior. Could she have been as fierce him and if so, what could have happened to break her? How strong were you?   
I sighed to myself then turned her around. My jealousy still unrelenting I pressed on. 

My hands making their way down her plump breasts, savouring the slick feel of her damp abdomen on my fingers. Stopping just shy at a scare near her inner thigh.   
When he would touch you here how did he do it?   
My thoughts purred as my fingers tangled in the dark curls of her womanhood.

How deep would his fingers slide into you as you writhe under his commands. Your face screwed up in pleasure as he tempted you with his touch. Or would he touchier you with his tongue? Taking long, slow strokes deep within your walls making you cry out and brace his face between your thighs.  
What did it sound like, that voice, as he found that spot that made you realise on to him the treasure of your body in a wave of ecstasy he build up deep within you.   
I kissed her scare. Feeling my tongue on her callous patch of skin she pushed me away. Alarmed I looked up at her. She looked so scared. Her once curious brown eyes now wild with fare. Starring at me like I was the devil incarnate.   
Feeling guilty I got up off my knees to hug her.

I don't even know what to say. My head hurts so bad as the realization of the horrible thing I did set in, but I shouldn't be surprised. After all this was my fault. With her week constitution I should not have pushed her this far. I messed up and now it's time to reap the consequences of my actions. 

I just want to know why I am feeling like this now. I've accepted the fact that Guts only felt affection for this girl for a while now and as of late I have been just fine with that. I've shoved most of my feelings a side and what lingered has been calcified as a lie. So why am I in this bath jealous of her and fighting back tears for no God damn reason?! 

Love is a cheep, over used word that has been manufactured for us to buy into the fantasy that the world is not a solitary place. I've been coaxed by the shinny plastic and the beautiful wrapping and bought into this hoax called love.   
Now I'm here disgusted at myself as a look down disappointed at the broken pieces of a trinket called love that I foolishly thought was authentic. Something I knew was a waste of my time and effort. Something I knew that was a lie. Still I hoped...  
But it fell apart so easily. My hopes for him and I being together. Well what else was I expecting from a cheaply made product created by depression and solitude?

In hindsight I should have been more careful with my feelings. But what's the use? A day would have come when everything would have shattered anyway and I would have been left staring at the same pieces that are laid out before me now.   
The only difference is I would have been staring from a different perspective than I am now.

I held her close to me to stop her trembling. No this was not what I want. I want more than to envy her. I want more than to lust after that man.   
I want to be an essential part of this... family.  
Yes this is a family. However, I was adopted into this home to watch over you, so if you go I... I won’t be needed anymore.

“Please Casca,” I begged holding her close to me. “please don’t go. If you leave and the other you returns I might loose my purpose in this family.”   
My sobbing was interrupted by her patting my head. I pulled away to look at her.   
She still had that doll like expression on her face but there was something about it that was calming. 

Maybe I’m getting worked up for nothing. Maybe when the true her return she won't forget me and I will still have some use in this family. I need her to stay with me a little longer. At least support me a while longer until I can support myself.


End file.
